Ms Tamara Pallos

A conversation with Tamara Pallos

• What led you to choose psychotherapy or counselling as a profession?

  I originally trained and worked as a lawyer but didn't enjoy it. I had found therapy really valuable in my own life (I have a complex trauma background) and wanted to be able to support others in a similar way. I originally imagined I would be a therapist for individuals only but my first job after completing counselling training was at Relationships Australia, where at least half my clients were couples. This led me to do extra couple therapy training and, before I knew it, couple therapy became one of my specialties (I have a Masters in this area).

• Which philosophical approaches have influenced your professional development?

  I studied philosophy as an undergraduate at university and was influenced by psychoanalysis and existentialism, as they were major strands of twentieth century philosophical thought. When I first became a therapist, I was, therefore, attracted to these approaches to therapy. Although I still use some psychodynamic ideas, I came around to offering much more practical approaches because I feel they work better in the therapy room. I rely a lot on attachment theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy, as I find these have excellent outcomes for clients. Personally, I am also influenced by Buddhist thought, although I wouldn't call myself a Buddhist!

• Which particular aspects of health or the human journey are you interested in?

  I have a holistic approach to health because I think the physical, mental, emotional, relational and spiritual (if this is applicable to you) domains all play a part in someone's overall health and wellbeing.
  
  In terms of the human journey, I am particularly interested in how people negotiate relationships (possibly because I had a really difficult relationship with my mother and this was never really resolved!) and how they recover from complex (childhood or adolescent developmental) trauma.

• What methods do you use?

  For couples therapy, the main approach I use is Emotionally Focused Therapy. I use this because it has an evidence base showing it creates lasting improvements for couples. I have also found it very effective in practice with most of the couples I work with. I also use a bit of the Gottman method, as this has more practical suggestions that people can implement, and a bit of PACT (Stan Tatkin's approach).
  
  For individual therapy, I collaborate with the individual to determine what the best approach is for them. I have skills in a range of approaches from longer-term psychodynamic/supportive therapy to shorter-term coaching style interventions (for example, I do attachment coaching to modify attachment styles).
  

• When do you think the client will start to feel that progress is being made?

  Most couple therapy clients come in for communication or conflict resolution problems. Therefore, progress looks like, firstly, conflict dying down in the relationship and communication improving. Then, after that, communicating from a more vulnerable and authentic place emotionally, rather than by getting angry or withdrawing from each other. Infidelity is also a common presenting issue and progress with that looks like feeling the pain less and being less triggered around what has occurred, as well as addressing the reasons for the infidelity.
  
  For individual clients, progress looks like feeling entitled to your own emotions, being able to identify and process your emotions in a healthy way, being discerning in the types of relationships you allow into your life, being able to modify unhelpful attachment patterns and having greater self esteem and better coping mechanisms.

• How has therapy made a difference in your life?

  It has made me more self aware, as well as more empathetic about the human condition and what people go through in life.

• What do you like most about being a therapist?

  I like seeing people achieve greater wellbeing in their lives and their relationships. That positive change is so fulfilling to witness!

• Do you ever have 'bad hair' days?

  Always! I have never been someone who devotes much time to hairstyling, and this usually shows :).

• What do you think is the most significant problem we face, in the world today?

  Climate change and environmental destruction (we can't live in the world if it becomes uninhabitable)! Also neoliberal political models that dehumanise people and make it increasingly complex to find job roles that are fulfilling and meaningful.

• Can you share the name of a book, film, song, event or work of art that inspires you?

  I love Cheryl Strayed's book of letters of advice, called 'Tiny, Beautiful Things'.
  A recent film that I enjoyed was, 'She Said' about journalists that spearheaded the Me, Too movement.
  I like jazz and blues and so can't go past the song, 'Blue Moon' by Billie Holiday.
  My favourite era in visual art is Expressionism - art that is kind of consistent with the therapy process in that it aims to depict a person's subjective experience of the world rather than objective reality.