Mrs Heather O'Neill

A conversation with Heather O'Neill

• What led you to choose psychotherapy or counselling as a profession?

  Whilst working as a Registered Nurse, I became interested in human behaviour and peoples psyche. I was always curious and wondered why people reacted the way they did. I also questioned my own behaviour times and discovered that I learned more about psychotherapy and counselling whilst I was having my own therapy (required 250 hours to complete my training). Coming from Scotland, I was around lots of drugs and alcohol and dysfunction as a child, I became an over empathiser and as an adult I had to re-learn strategies and boundaries to keep this in check.

• Which philosophical approaches have influenced your professional development?

  I truly admire psychodynamic therapy, and began learning this topic whilst at the Churchill Clinic. I believe it is the best origin of therapy, creating transformational and long lasting changes for people. Whilst at the Churchill clinic, I was taught by the best in the business with indirect teachings from R.D.Laing, John Heaton, Rosemary Gordon and Christopher Bollass.
  
  I am grateful to have experienced international teaching from psychotherapist warriors, swordsmen and Buddhist monks and learned how they practice in their own countries. Teachings were specific to Analytic Psychotherapy, Existentialism, Jungian Psychotherapy and Mindfulness.
  
  My masters in psychotherapy and counselling was a completely different teaching, and was very heavily focused on theory and reflection.

• Which particular aspects of health or the human journey are you interested in?

  I'm fascinated with people watching, sitting watching the world going by and noticing peoples body language, their facial expressions, are they looking stressed, some are walking fast from A to B, where are all these people going to I ask myself? Thich Nhat Hanh describes mindfulness of stopping to smell the roses, for me this really means if we don't stop and enjoy and appreciate what we have right now, we miss all those good moments.
  
  My moto is there is always something good you get from something bad. Its a bit like going out for an adventure, we always remember what went wrong then laugh later, we never remember what went right.

• What methods do you use?

  I'm very good at actively listening, this means listening to what's really being said and not what you actually have said. All therapists use head nods, mirroring, empathy and validation, but what does this truly mean? To me, its when I know the other person is truly listening to me, not judging me and really does care about my welfare.

• When do you think the client will start to feel that progress is being made?

  When I come up against a problem in the outside world, I think of my therapist. I imagine telling my therapist my problem and then make up different scenario outcomes, then choose the best one I think she would be proud of. Sometimes she can be the little angel on my shoulder guiding me.
  
  There is no right or wrong answer for this, it depends what you need in therapy, and how this feels for you!

• How has therapy made a difference in your life?

  Individual therapy made me realise that therapists should talk less!
  
  I wouldn't say therapy has made me a better person per say, but it improved my self esteem. An analogy I can relate to is picturing the roots of my tree, they have grown stronger so I cant be blown over in the wind so easily.

• What do you like most about being a therapist?

  I like the slow pace to reflect and really think about what we are saying. Talking is our soul opening up, which mostly gets lost in every day conversations. Assisting someone with dissecting their thought processes and watching them reordering them is very satisfying, Its also enjoyable watching people grow, create boundaries and cut toxic people from their lives. I was born to be a therapist, and only realised this after choosing lots of jobs I disliked. 'We don't know what we don't like until we try it'

• Do you ever have 'bad hair' days?

  Em yes, who doesn't? Everyone is human, but I definitely use strategies and skills to cope when needed. For example, I used to overthink and catastrophise, now I distract myself, work on self care and let the thoughts dissipate. Having 8-9 hours sleep a night ensures I have less bad days!

• What do you think is the most significant problem we face, in the world today?

  Some people would say COVID, I would say the main problem is the world is becoming less empathic. They say war's bring people together, yet ironically the pandemic has caused separation. I think we have to concentrate on kindness, being less judgmental and workplaces could work on improving inclusion.

• Can you share the name of a book, film, song, event or work of art that inspires you?

  Have you checked out Maree Davidson's art, she uses smiling animals and encapsulates a cartoon style. I have many in my home, particularly above the toilet to make visitors smile.
  
  My favourite theme of movies are psychological, war and true stories. Love stories and comedies are too superficial for me, I like to philosophise afterwards.