What Physical Danger Is My Girlfriend And Her Mother In From Her New Male Partner?

Question: What physical danger is my girlfriend and her mother in, from her new male partner? He is now living with them and showing symptoms of a narcissistic personality. We have all heard on many occasions how his mother wanted him aborted, how his father continually beat him as a child, how he doesn't have to take any crap from anyone ect. Thankyou, Patsy

Answer (1) Hi Patsy, Well what a question and how does one even attempt to answer it. Without actually knowing the man, your question raises a number of ethical dilemmas such as asking for opinions based on your observations alone. You may have been better putting your concerns into hypothetical form and having the professionals on the site discuss it openly that way. Having said that I am assuming that your knowledge of his alleged developmental history is what raises red flags for you eg; Narcissistic Personality and beatings as a child. You mention that he states "I don't have to take any crap from anyone" and "his mother wanted him aborted" but what is it about his behaviour "now" that worries you? Is he aggressive towards your friend? Have you witnessed any Domestic Violence type situations? (these do not have to involve physical assaults but can inolve control, isolation, threats etc.)

If these things are occuring then there are many good agencies who specialise in these types of issues, however if your friend doesnt think there is any problem (maybe there isn't) then there may not be much you can do about it except remain a supportive friend until she realises there is a problem. I hope that helps.

Answer provided by Ian Brown, Counsellor

Answer (2) This man's upbringing doesn't sound overly conducive to the development of a narcissistic personality disorder. He may be exhibiting some narcisstic traits, such as over-compensatory bluster but I'd be careful about making any quantum leaps to premature psychiatric diagnosis. I'm not suggesting you have absolutely no cause for concern but on the evidence of what he's actually doing at the moment, a wait and see policy would be best. If he feels you are hostile and judgemental towards him, it may only exacerbate any relating problems he may have. By all means, give him the benefit of the doubt pro tem but stay alert to what's happening.

Answer provided by David White, Psychotherapist