My Life Partner Broke Off Our Relationship Soon After Someone We Knew Got Aids And Died.

Question: My life partner broke off our relationship soon after someone we knew got AIDS and died towards the end of last year. I can understand his reaction, although I was more sad than scared. At least, if I was scared, it made me want to move closer to him rather than away. He has since moved interstate but I can contact him if I want to. Every now and then I'm tempted to call him because some of the things he said when he left don't add up. I would like more than anything to know what was (and is) really going on for him. I stop myself from calling because I don't trust that he would tell me the truth. If I can't trust him to give honest answers, what would be the point in asking? I should just forget it and let things be.

Answer: Do you want to forget it and let things be? It is true your life partner may or may not tell you the truth about why he felt the need to break off last year. People tell us what they know, or what they choose to share in any given instance. Forgive me, but your expressed concern about trustworthy responses may be a device to excuse yourself from asking. If you call and your partner is forthcoming, you may hear something not entirely welcome. Then again, his replies may help you both clarify the situation - whether that leads to reconciliation or resolution.

Perhaps he was more scared by news of the death of your mutual friend than you. Fear does not leave us very amenable to logic. The death may also have affected him deeply. Sometimes, a period of separation can help us to achieve more clarity and openness. Picking up the phone will not be without risk. But ask yourself whether your peace of mind is worth taking the risk. Life partnerships usually end for fairly clear reasons or differences. I am not sure this pattern fits what you describe. You probably owe it to yourself, and it may also help your partner, to find out what was really going on. Good luck.

Answer provided by John Hunter, Counsellor