My 19yr Old Daughter Bites Her Nails Until They Bleed.

Question: My 19yr old daughter bites her nails until they bleed. She says that it helps to alleviate the pressure when sitting her exams. She also says that it doesn't bother her so it shouldn't bother me. I think this is an awful habit however and would like her to develop more positive 'coping' behaviours. I am also worried that her studies are causing her so much stress - as her mum, shouldn't I be doing something about this? Thanks, Karen

Answer (1) Well Karen, you're right inasmuch as compulsive nail biting in this case is almost certainly a symptom of anxiety. I also know that attempting to orchestrate a 19 years old's coping habits is often unsuccessful and may lead to unhelpful conflict. If you focus on the habit, it may become an arena for control and independence issues. If you are to intervene here, it should be indirectly, by discussing possible ways for your daughter to de-stress and relax more naturally. You know what works for her and it need be neither elaborate nor compulsory. Let her know that relatively stress free study, is always more productive and that appropriate self care during these times will be of great advantage to her. Good luck!

Answer provided by David White, Psychotherapist

Answer (2) Dear Karen, as a Mother, you are of course concerned by your daughter's behaviour and the stress she is experiencing. And yet, you are powerless to do anything to help her change, even though help is available for nail-biting, which is quick, easy and painless. My partner's nail-biting habit which he had since he was 3 years old, was 'cured' in the space of 10 minutes. The technique comes from NLP and Timeline techniques so your daughter could seek out a Master Practitioner in this field. You may need to make the suggestion to her best friend on her behalf and ask her friend to help your daughter. Other ways would be to leave information lying around on stress management and coping with performance anxiety. On my website there is a stress management article and past newsletters contain information on anxiety.

Answer provided by Narelle Stratford, Psychologist