I Want To Seek Professional Help For Her But I Am Not Sure How To Convince Her To Attend An Appointment.

Question: My husband and I seperated one year ago and I feel my 16 year old daughter is not coping well with the changes that have taken place since then. She will not talk to me or even admit that she is upset but I have found her crying on several occasions lately. I know that she also cuts herself and I want to seek professional help for her but I am not sure of the first step or how to convince her to attend an appointment.

She knows I am concerned about her but she is not aware that I know about her self injury. Should I be taking her to a counsellor or a psychyatrist? How much will each visit cost and how long will treatment go on for?

Answer (1) Self-harming, especially cutting, is done for a number of reasons. Some clients report that it relaxes them, some find that it's a distraction from the negative emotions they're experiencing, and others find that physical injury somehow validates their emotional injury, which is often "invisible".

I recommend your daughter see a professional as soon as possible. Self-harming can become an acceptable and entrenched coping mechanism if it becomes habitual. Expressing her emotions, which externalises them, will help reduce her self-harming behaviour.

The first hurdle is getting her to see someone, whether it's a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist. Normalising counselling by explaining what it involves, and by pointing out that many people seek counselling throughout their lives may encourage her to attend. Allow her to have input into who she sees - gender and age may be considerations. You being approachable and available to your daughter is a positive start.

Answer provided by Graham Cox, Psychologist

Answer (2) The motivations for self mutilation are many and complex. It may be wise to gently let your daughter know that you are aware of her crying alone in her room and of her cutting herself. I suspect it will be harder (though by no means impossible) for her to deny something being wrong in the face of this. Without interrogating her, try to get some understanding of why she is having difficulty in confiding in you as her mother.

It may be a good idea for you to contact a therapist experienced in working with adolescents, to talk over how best to draw her out without her feeling pathologised. If and when she does agree to see someone, the cost will vary according to the discipline and methodology of the practitioner providing the treatment. A time-frame will depend on so many factors that a "guesstimate" could be irresponsibly misleading.

Answer provided by David White, Psychotherapist