I Posted The Question Starting With I Was Told Several Times By My Female Psychologist...

Comment: I posted the question starting off with I was told several times by my female psychologist that I was "very seductive." I would like to elaborate further because this has generated much interesting and thought provoking discussion. I would say David White has the answer which resonates the most with me. His definition of "very seductive" meaning "evasive and distracting in a charming and entertaining manner." I have been with my therapist ten years. Over that time we have dealt adequately with a lot of issues. Recently we had to deal with my eroticised transference (not erotic - eroticised) and that was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Aside from the "very seductive" comment and a couple of other "therapeutic errors", she dealt with it in a professional manner and we managed to pull through and deal with the underlying issues pretty much to my satisfaction. I have no doubt she was very uncomfortable and felt threatened by my condition and I made allowances for her errors. I didn't want to make the mistake I always made with past relationships and that is throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Response (1) Thank you for putting this in context. Your question has certainly generated much interesting discussion, and the comment you have just made highlights the dangers of attempting to evaluate a situation on the basis of very limited information. I am glad that you have now clarified the issue and that David's reply has been helpful.

Donald Marmara, Somatic Psychotherapist

Response (2) I felt a bit of a klutz in my earlier answer and I apologise for suggesting you fire your therapist of ten years rather than work through the problem with her as you have now clearly done. Then I had a giggle at myself remembering the old saying, 'when the only tool you have is a hammer, every object looks like a nail'. More importantly you have reminded me how crucial these turning points are in therapy - it is the resolution of the errors and mistakes we make as therapists that sometimes provide the deepest connections in therapy with our shared vulnerability and give permission and modeling of how to deal with our humanity and all its foibles. On another note you have added a useful piece of professional jargon 'transference' which for our readers not familiar with psychoanalytic concepts, I recommend this response by a seasoned therapist in part quoted below:

'There are no WORDS to fully and truly describe emotional devastation, or the depth of what it is to be longing, aching, yearning for an unattainable someone, some thing or situation . This is especially true where (these) transference feelings are from a preverbal state or (where) adult trauma has robbed the ability to articulate emotions that have been beaten into numbness or silenced.'

Peter Fox, Clinical Psychologist