I Have An 11 Year Old Son Who Has Been Diagnosed With Adhd...

Question: I have an 11 year old son who has been diagnosed with ADHD, ADD, certain aspects of Aspergers eg lack of empathy. We need help. We have been through Toowoomba Child Mental Health, which was a waste of time and effort, and we have been to numerous doctors. I love my son very much, and this sounds awful, but I don't like being around him anymore, as EVERY single thing is a struggle. It is at the point where his behaviour is tearing our family apart, his father will no longer have him in his home if he continues to behave the way he does. But what if we all did that with kids we can't handle? Where would they live??

His IQ is through the roof, but he is struggling at school. He is constantly sent out of class, rarely completes any work, and regularly has to sit at the teachers desk. I have had meetings with the school, and apparently he has been seeing the school guidance officer, to whom he reported getting physically abused by his step-dad (he did the same thing to his step-mum). He is receiving anger management at school, but when I asked them who we could get help from, they all looked at each other and shrugged. They said if I do find someone to let them know so they know for future reference.

He sometimes displays completely inappropriate behaviour, which we have much to our distress told doctors, schools and specialists, to which they replied was definitely not right, yet we have never really been helped. We don't know what else to do or who to get in touch with. This problem consumes all of us in this family nearly every second of every day. I want to be able to enjoy my son, but can't.

Answer: Having worked with children and adolescents for years, I've heard many a similar story on numerous occasions. However, there does not seem to be any universal, scientific agreement about why these children behave as they do. Only theory after theory. I've seen these kids subjected to test after test, programme after programme and medication after medication. Some respond to one, others to another and some, to none at all. What I have seen though with regularity, is that many of the children do seem to slowly grow out of these difficult behaviours, as they physically and psychologically mature. So, if nothing else, you have time on your side but again, with no guarantee.

By all means, continue to search around for a programme or practitioner who offers a credible intervention but beware of anyone who promises you a quick or certain fix. You will almost certainly have to go to a major city to get the sort of expertise you need. A large training paediatric hospital would be a good place to look. However, whatever you do for your son, please, please, make sure you get help and good support for yourselves.

Answer provided by David White, Psychotherapist