I Can't Talk About My Issues, I Become Stricken With Panic.
Question: I have long term issues with anxiety and depression. For the last few years I've needed to seek help in the form of therapy, but I find I can't open up. Most recently I've tried counselling face to face, and on the phone. I can't talk about my issues - I become stricken with panic as thoughts and answers to questions come rushing, and within a few moments a black veil comes over my mind - I can't think through the fog. I've often tried writing things down, but my thoughts are so rushed and convoluted - everything ends up one dimensional and incomplete. How can I get help if I can't communicate what the issues are?
Answer (1) I would suggest you contact someone who does Narrative or a creative therapy. You have used a vivid and useful metaphor of the 'veil' and 'fog' and this may lend itself well to working in a Narrative or creative approach. Starting may be as simple as going along with the metaphor and imagining you are breathing light into the fog - watch it dissipate, taking lots of time to let the fog clear. It may be the fog serves a purpose and if that is uncovered by working with the metaphor, you can move forward.
Answer provided by Susan Igglesden, Counsellor and Clinical Social Worker
Answer (2) That sounds very distressing for you. I would like to encourage you to seek a good therapist who can work with you long term and possibly in a variety of ways such as using art or play therapy or somatic therapy. Communication comes in many forms, and the actual words spoken are only about 10% of your message. Therefore you don't need to be able to verbalize your thoughts for most of your message to be heard or received (in a face to face therapy session). You may have a type of phobia about not getting your message across in a clear spoken way and this may be triggering your panic/fear symptoms.
Answer provided by Monique Goliger, Psychotherapist and Counsellor
*To find a therapist with training in Narrative, Somatic or Creative Therapies, select from the list of Modalities on Good Therapy's Search page.
Answer (3) It's ok that you find it difficult or impossible to talk about your issues. The first step is to make contact with someone over the phone, outline your difficulty and hear their response. If it feels ok to you, then the next step is to make an appointment and see how that feels. A good therapist will not demand you tell them everything or interrogate you. Simply sitting together and beginning to accept your difficulty and hopefully beginning to relax a little is the first step. It's also ok to walk out if you do not feel ok. I hear that you want help, so don't give up!
Answer provided by Carl Webster, Psychologist
Answer (4) Hello Sophie, There's a quote I'm fond of, although I can't remember who wrote it - "How do I know what I think, until I've said it." What I hear you describe is the gap between the conscious and the unconscious mind. Of course your thoughts feel convoluted and incomplete - they are! How can you speak what you don't know? As humans so much of our internal and external experience is not, as yet in language; it floats formless until we are in a place (a therapeutic space, for example) where we and our unconscious can feel safe enough to begin to explore and express.
Although some questions are asked (inevitably) within the therapeutic process, it is important that you be allowed to take your own time in coming to whatever it is you might wish to discuss and not feel you must answer questions. The therapist does NOT set the agenda, YOU do. I can not emphasise enough the importance of the relationship between therapist and patient, which, of course takes time to build.
Answer provided by Jan Campbell Thompson, Psychotherapist
Answer (5) Dear Sophie, I can understand your difficulty in trying to communicate your thoughts and feelings about your anxiety and depression. The black veil is there for a good reason and that reason is most likely that it is protecting you from the possibility of 'unbearable feeling' (whatever that might be - anger, grief, positive self regard, closeness, excitement, joy, desire, fear). In my experience, there are a few ways of working with the 'black veil'.
1. I could ask you to describe the veil itself, does it have a shape, is it soft or hard, is it still or moving, how much space does it take up, etc? Then I would invite you to draw the image in the form that is present. This might simply be playing with some black paint on paper with your fingers, or a more sophisticated drawing with pencil or pastel. Once you can see the image, it can be less daunting, and further work can commence.
2. Another way, would be to facilitate a dialogue between you and the part of you that is 'the black veil', until there is insight and resolution.
3. If I was using EFT, I would ask you to rate the intensity of the feeling from 0-10 and begin tapping using the words; "Even though I have this black veil feeling (or whatever feels just right in your own words), I deeply and completely accept myself and this feeling." And continue to tap until the black veil feeling is a zero.
4. If I was doing trance, I would do a 6 step reframe with the part of you that is 'the black veil' and facilitate new ways for that part to better serve its purpose for the whole of you.
I hope this helps, Sincerely, Julie Tulloch, Soul Centred psychotherapist
