Does Living In The Past Mean That I Have A Problem With Facing Up To Reality?

Question: I read in a magazine article that when a relationship is over, removing photos and objects that remind you of your ex-partner is an important part of the healing process. After seven months separation I still can't bring myself to do this. Does living in the past mean that I have a problem with facing up to reality, letting go and moving on? Rachel

Answer (1) Hello, Rachel. Magazine articles speak in generalities and when we are feeling vulnerable we can take them too literally. Time is a requirement in moving on, as they say. It takes time to experience the emotions connected with loss of a companion or lover. Each of us processes the emotions and thinking involved in a separation differently, and even then, individuals will need more or less time with different relationship endings. Depending on the importance you invest in the relationship and the positives you draw from it, a person may take a year or more to reach a point where they can honestly put the relationship behind them. Be gentle with yourself, trust your judgement, do not allow others to tell you what is right for you. If you find your thoughts overly intrusive, interfering with work or other aspects of your life, by all means speak with someone you trust, a counsellor if you wish. Good luck, Rachel.

Answer provided by John Hunter, Counsellor

Answer (2) Hi Rachel. I agree with John Hunter. Without knowing your personal circumstances I couldn't say much about your situation. Rather I would trust that you are the best judge of whether this feels like a natural process of gradually letting go of that relationship, or if you are feeling uncomfortably caught up in the past. Trust yourself and get support if you feel you need it.

Answer provided by Fiona Halse, Psychotherapist